![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
The 30-Second Bluffer's Guide To Return Of The King
Hey, it's nearly three and a half hours long. You might want to spare your bum and your bladder. So here's all you need to know:
FRODO: Man, it's been three years! Aren't we in Mordor yet?
* * *
FARAMIR: Excuse me! Not dead yet!
DENETHOR: Shut up and lie down. Now, where'd I put the matches?
* * *
ENTRY OF EVIL HEFFALUMPS, FOLLOWED BY A NAZGUL
EOWYN: Ha ha! Missed!
EOWYN PRODS NAZGUL WITH HER SWORD
EOWYN: See, you're not so tough. You're just a balloon.
* * *
ENTRY OF DEAD WARRIORS
EVIL HORDES: Ooh. Bugger.
* * *
GOLLUM: Give me the Ring, fuzzyfeet!
FRODO: Bite me.
GOLLUM BITES HIM.
THE END
FRODO: Man, it's been three years! Aren't we in Mordor yet?
* * *
FARAMIR: Excuse me! Not dead yet!
DENETHOR: Shut up and lie down. Now, where'd I put the matches?
* * *
ENTRY OF EVIL HEFFALUMPS, FOLLOWED BY A NAZGUL
EOWYN: Ha ha! Missed!
EOWYN PRODS NAZGUL WITH HER SWORD
EOWYN: See, you're not so tough. You're just a balloon.
* * *
ENTRY OF DEAD WARRIORS
EVIL HORDES: Ooh. Bugger.
* * *
GOLLUM: Give me the Ring, fuzzyfeet!
FRODO: Bite me.
GOLLUM BITES HIM.
THE END