msconduct: (Default)
msconduct ([personal profile] msconduct) wrote2021-09-14 01:29 am

Wanaka Wankers

Most of New Zealand is now in Level 2 with no community cases of Delta. This means they're out and about, sipping coffee two metres apart and other joyous things I wish I was doing. In Auckland, however, while the peak of the outbreak is long passed we're still in Level 4 as we fight the tail.

Most of us are onboard, but there are always a few who think they're too special for lockdown. Like the couple who used their essential worker passes to cross the Auckland border, drove to a nearby city and flew to their holiday home in Wanaka in the South Island.

Some excellent citizen immediately shopped them to the cops, and because one of the couple is the son of a judge and the other is a lawyer, they immediately applied for name suppression, which was granted on an interim basis. However, enraged Kiwis swiftly cooperated to identify them. Before the name suppression came into effect, the entire country knew their names. Meaning that for the rest of their lives they'll be readily identifiable to their fellow citizens as the Wanaka Wankers.

And this is why Kiwis laugh when foreign conspiracy theorists try and tell us that our lockdowns are part of a giant plot to enslave the population. In New Zealand, that shit wouldn't stay secret for a day.